Recently a "Husband Shopping Centre" opened in Dallas, where women could go to choose a husband from among many men. It was laid out in five floors, with the men increasing in positive attributes as you ascended. The only rule was, once you opened the door to any floor, you HAD to choose a man from that floor; If you went up a floor, you couldn't go back down except to leave the place, never to return.

A couple of girlfriends went to the shopping centre to find some husbands... First floor The door had a sign saying, "These men have jobs and love kids. "The women read the sign and said, "Well, that's better than not having a job, or not loving kids, but I wonder what's further up?" So up they went.

Second floor
The sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking." Hmmm, said the ladies. But, I wonder what's further up?

Third floor
This sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, are extremely good looking, love kids and help with the housework." Wow! Said the women. Very tempting, BUT, there's more further up! And up they went.

Fourth floor
This door had a sign saying "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak." Oh, mercy me. But just think! What must be awaiting us further on!
So up to the fifth floor they went.

Fifth floor
The sign on that door said, "This floor is empty and exists only to prove that women are impossible to please


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Q.) What doesn't belong in this list: Meat, Eggs, Wife, Blowjob?
A.) Blowjob: You can beat your meat, eggs or wife, but can't beat a blowjob.

Q.) Why does a penis have a hole in the end?
A.) So men can be open minded.

Q.) What's the speed limit of sex?
A.) 68 because at 69 you have to turn around.

Q.) What do a Rubix cube and a penis have in common?
A.) The longer you play with them, the harder they get.

Q.) What's the difference between your paycheck and your dick?
A.) You don't have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck!

Q.) Three words to ruin a man's ego...
A.) "Is it in?"

Q.) What do you get when you cross Raggedy Ann and the Pillsbury Dough Boy?
A.) A red headed bitch with a yeast infection.

Q.) How can you tell when an auto mechanic just had sex?
A.) One of his fingers is clean.

Q.) What do you do with 365 used rubbers?
A.) Melt them down make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.

Q.) What does bungee jumping and hookers have in common?
A.) They both cost a hundred bucks and if the rubber breaks, you're screwed.
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Are you a Psycho ?????

This is a genuine psychological test.

It is a story about a girl. While at the funeral of her own mother, she met this guy whom she did not know. She thought this guy was amazing, so much the dream guy she was searching for that she fell in love with him right then and there but never asked for his name or number and afterward could not find anyone who knew who he was. A few! days later the girl killed her own sister.

Question: What is her motive in killing her sister?

Give this some thought for a while before you check the answer.

Answer: She was hoping that the guy would appear at the funeral again.

If you answered this correctly, you think like a psychopath. This was a test by a famous American psychologist used to test if one has the same mentality as a killer.
914 arrested serial killers took part in this test and 904 answered it correctly.

If you didn't answer correctly - good for you.
If your friends hit the jackpot, may I suggest that you keep your distance.




Enjoy lol.

A little boy blows up his balloon and starts flicking it all around the
house with his finger.
His mother tell him to stop it as he's liable to break something. The boy
continues.
"Johnny!" Mom screams. "Knock it off. You're going to break something."
He stops and eventually Mom leaves for a short trip to the shopping center.
Johnny starts up with the balloon again. He gives it one last flick and it
lands in the toilet.
Mom comes in and while putting away the groceries gets The Urge. A Diarrhea
run. She can hardly make it to the toilet in time and SPLASH, out it comes.
When she's finished she looks down and can't believe what she's seeing.
She's not sure what this big brown thing is in the toilet! She calls her
doctor! The doctor is baffled as she describes the situation, but he assures
her he'll be over shortly to examine everything.
When he arrives, she leads him to the bathroom and he gets down on his
knees. And he takes a long, hard look at the thing. Finally, he takes out
his pen and sort of touches it to see what it might be and POP!
The balloon explodes and poop is everywhere. On him, the walls,etc.
"Doctor! Doctor! Are you all right?" she asks.
He says, "I've been in this business for over 30 years, and this is the
first time I've ever actually SEEN a fart !"

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A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program. The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck.

She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me." Without a second thought, he takes off after her. A few miles later huffing and puffing, he finally gives up.

The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens. On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 10 lbs. as promised.

He calls the company and orders their 5-day/20 pound program. The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful,sexy woman he has ever seen in his life. She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, "If you catch me you can have me". Well, he's out the door after her like a shot. This girl is in excellent shape and he does his best, but no such luck. So for the next four days, the same routine happens with him gradually getting in better and better shape.

Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs himself, he discovers that he has lost another 20 lbs. as promised. He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/50 pound program. "Are you sure?" asks the representative on the phone. "This is our most rigorous program." "Absolutely," he replies, "I haven't felt this good in years."

The next day there's a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds a huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing

but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads, "If I catch you, your ass is mine."



He lost 63 pounds that week.

Two boys are sat on a fence, one boy says to the other "i think my sister is on her period" the other boy says
"how do you know that?" the first boy says "cos my dads c**k tastes funny!